I am someone who loves leaving notes for people. I love sending handwritten letters. I love personalized, thoughtful gestures. Last night I had a lot on my mind and was able to refocus my thoughts into something more positive. I didn't want to lose that momentum, so I decided to leave a note for myself to wake up to in the morning:
I even gave myself a little checklist of things that I knew would make my day better.
I go in phases of truly understanding this: Create the life you want to live. I mean, no one else in the entire universe will ever do that for you. I feel like many of us wait for the perfect opportunity to finally take a leap towards something we want to achieve. There are always reasons and barriers and uncomfortable elements standing between us and the life we really want.
I love to sing.
I want to sing again.
I want to sing often.
2 years ago I started taking piano lessons after a 20 year hiatus. I'm talking a (then) 26/27 year-old plunking out the most basic melodies... but it was awesome! I felt my mind thinking again. I got into the rhythm of those Hot Cross Buns. Ok, I was a bit more advanced than that, but some of the most simple songs brought me a lot of joy and feeling of accomplishment.
Since moving back to Wisconsin, I haven't searched for a new piano teacher but I have been playing more frequently on my own. And... I've been singing, too!
I'm all about self-improvement and little challenges to keep me moving forward, but I decided I wanted to push myself even more. I've been saying that I want to be able to play & sing for people for years. Year and years and years. Well, we must create the life we want to live. I am going to push myself by recording myself playing and singing and...dun dun DUN... will put them online, BAH! I'm going to do this to hold myself accountable and to also be able to see the progress of my playing. Some videos might sound decent and others might be a train wreck, but I have to start before I'm ready.
So, as the title of this post suggests, I'm feeling extremely vulnerable and nervous and scared and a whole lot of other not-so-nice-feelings, but this is what I want. I'm giving vulnerability a big ol' hug right now. Embracing it all...